I can't seem to comprehend why when striving for more answers, we are left with simply more questions.
Why can't there be a manual saying how we can get ourselves out of the rutt we constantly seem to find ourselves in.
and why when faced with the curveballs life seems to chuck at us we can't seem to walk away... well at least i can't. To me walking away is the same is giving up and that is something i can't seem to agree with. I see things through till the end, i guess that comes with my nature. Yet in trying to answer all my questions and dilemas we end up in a situation far worse than we need to be.
A monk i've known all my life said to me once, ''Suhada you can't save everyone and resolve everything when you want to. Its like the person is drowning in the ocean and you jump in after them in hope to save them yet you yourself can't swim then you both drown.''
I rejected the thought of this because in the end its merely another case of running away from the issues that are most confronting right?
So i asked what else i could do, to be told. ''Cast a line and wait for them to pull on it. Wait until they want your help.''
Im not one for religious preaching but im beginning to realise that waiting isn't being weak. Rather it takes more courage to wait, putting the ones own personal needs second. Waiting isn't running rather bracing yourself for impact so the hurdles can be overcome.
To conclude all i can say is that we all walk a path of misfortune. Yet its life greatest challenges that leaves us all the stronger. Sumise to say its what allows us to grow up.
Best be off now kids
love suhada.xx
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Namesakes
Dear friends lovers sinners and saints
After a long string of deep and brooding posts i felt like doing something a bit more light hearted.
It is generally accepted that ones's name is their title, in essence it belongs to them. As tradition goes my name is Ekanayake Mudiansalagae(not certain on spelling for that) Suhada Eran Ekanayake.
Yet these names that seem so pivotal to our character were never really ours to begin with. My needlessly long spiel of a name was given to me on account of tradition and due to my parent's will.
How can something so detrimental to our lives be chosen in an instant?
In Sri Lankan tradition your given names come with a meaning. Mine being ''good hearted''. However cool that may sound how can two words simply sum up my whole being? Because my name means good hearted does that mean i can never strive past that, does it set a bench mark for my life? To further contradict that after studying Japanese for the past few years i learnt that in japanese means "bare, nude and complection"
How can i be good hearted when as far as the japanese go im destined for a career in the porn industry?
Yet if our names define us how come we all end up with several tags and nicknames. I guess majority of the time its due to convenience yet how come certain people only end up calling you by a certain name? My friends at school call me ''screw harder'' other friends call me ''sud'' my stage name is ''karasu''(japanese for raven) my sister calls me malli(sinhalese for little brother) and my mum calls me sukhi.
For a time I thought it would better suite society for the individual to choose their name, for who could know you better than yourself?
Tonight i set off for Sarnarth, India to stay in a temple and live life like an ordinary third world monk would. I will also receive a new buddhist name. I hope to find some solice on my trip to Sarnarth and what a new name may hold.
By receiving a new name i hope i can find more insight to who I am and what lays ahead as consequence of that.
Well i guess i best be off now, take care all
love Suhada.xx
After a long string of deep and brooding posts i felt like doing something a bit more light hearted.
It is generally accepted that ones's name is their title, in essence it belongs to them. As tradition goes my name is Ekanayake Mudiansalagae(not certain on spelling for that) Suhada Eran Ekanayake.
Yet these names that seem so pivotal to our character were never really ours to begin with. My needlessly long spiel of a name was given to me on account of tradition and due to my parent's will.
How can something so detrimental to our lives be chosen in an instant?
In Sri Lankan tradition your given names come with a meaning. Mine being ''good hearted''. However cool that may sound how can two words simply sum up my whole being? Because my name means good hearted does that mean i can never strive past that, does it set a bench mark for my life? To further contradict that after studying Japanese for the past few years i learnt that in japanese means "bare, nude and complection"
How can i be good hearted when as far as the japanese go im destined for a career in the porn industry?
Yet if our names define us how come we all end up with several tags and nicknames. I guess majority of the time its due to convenience yet how come certain people only end up calling you by a certain name? My friends at school call me ''screw harder'' other friends call me ''sud'' my stage name is ''karasu''(japanese for raven) my sister calls me malli(sinhalese for little brother) and my mum calls me sukhi.
For a time I thought it would better suite society for the individual to choose their name, for who could know you better than yourself?
Tonight i set off for Sarnarth, India to stay in a temple and live life like an ordinary third world monk would. I will also receive a new buddhist name. I hope to find some solice on my trip to Sarnarth and what a new name may hold.
By receiving a new name i hope i can find more insight to who I am and what lays ahead as consequence of that.
Well i guess i best be off now, take care all
love Suhada.xx
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
My island home
Self Realisation:
''Home is where the heart is, where it may journey free into nothingness''
We all strive for a place of belonging. It may be through a person, thing or memory but we all seem to be in constant search of it.
I used to think that place was on the outside and I still had to find it, yet i know now that those treasures are beneath my feet. We all have our place of belonging yet can't seem to comprehend it until we have let go of the disallusion that holds us in place.
There were words to a song that went as such
''I don't want to be that man that spends his life with treasures beneath his feet
When i look inside i found this beautiful place inside that truly sets me free
And when im there im in free from, when im there im in free form''
I hope we can all one day stop looking for the outside for all our answers but trust ourselves to know it and to find that place where we can truly reside.
Rest easy kids
Love suhada.xx
''Home is where the heart is, where it may journey free into nothingness''
We all strive for a place of belonging. It may be through a person, thing or memory but we all seem to be in constant search of it.
I used to think that place was on the outside and I still had to find it, yet i know now that those treasures are beneath my feet. We all have our place of belonging yet can't seem to comprehend it until we have let go of the disallusion that holds us in place.
There were words to a song that went as such
''I don't want to be that man that spends his life with treasures beneath his feet
When i look inside i found this beautiful place inside that truly sets me free
And when im there im in free from, when im there im in free form''
I hope we can all one day stop looking for the outside for all our answers but trust ourselves to know it and to find that place where we can truly reside.
Rest easy kids
Love suhada.xx
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Journey through the crossroads
Self Realisation:
One doesn't have to know their final destination in order to start a journey. As long as they are content with the path they lead, they would never be led astray.
In my mind it is only the seed of doubt that can lead you astray. As soon as you begin to doubt your intuition you ponder more and more on the road set before you, and the more you think the more that doubt festers.
Self belief will keep us a foot, walking down a road not meant for you and coming to the end of it full of regrets is in my eyes the greatest burden one could hold.
I think at some point we all feel as if where lost, walking a lonely road and maybe some of us are. The only advice i have to leave you with is that many others walk as we do, we only have to be willing to accept that. Trust yourself to walk a path with no shadows or regrets.
I will leave that with you, may the stars keep twinkling above you
love suhada.xx
One doesn't have to know their final destination in order to start a journey. As long as they are content with the path they lead, they would never be led astray.
In my mind it is only the seed of doubt that can lead you astray. As soon as you begin to doubt your intuition you ponder more and more on the road set before you, and the more you think the more that doubt festers.
Self belief will keep us a foot, walking down a road not meant for you and coming to the end of it full of regrets is in my eyes the greatest burden one could hold.
I think at some point we all feel as if where lost, walking a lonely road and maybe some of us are. The only advice i have to leave you with is that many others walk as we do, we only have to be willing to accept that. Trust yourself to walk a path with no shadows or regrets.
I will leave that with you, may the stars keep twinkling above you
love suhada.xx
Friday, October 2, 2009
Lost Property
Dear friends lovers sinners and saints
The term ''you never know what you truly have until its gone'' came to mind today. That being said alot of what we depend upon is taken for granted whether it be out of ignorance or greed.
A monk i have known all my life has taught me that in this world we are surrounded by suffering, brought about by craving and we have to find a path out of that. Safe to say this is a grim and ghastly topic to explain to a 7 year old so she explained as such. ''Suhada your parents may one day bring home a bag of chips(the thought of which was pretty epic, who doesn't enjoy a bag of chips!) so you decide to eat some. Once you have obtain the taste of it you figure that you enjoy it and begin to crave more so you continue eating and such you keep repeating this process until there is nothing left to eat. Once it is gone you are sad at the fact it is over and wish for more yet can't attain such. That is suffering.''
Such a profound concept explained so simply in a lesson that I don't think I will ever forget. Yet my understanding of what I learnt that day is due to greed we all crave certain things, never being content with what we have and we eventually become dissatisfied, thus leading to suffering.
I and anybody reading this blog right now live a privileged life. Yeah some of us may not have the latest iPod or the trendiest set of clothes but we have a roof over our heads, warm food on the table every day and a bed to sleep on. Im sure all of us have heard of the difficulties in third world countries like africa or parts of south-east asia. That being said im sure it makes us have some sort of remorse for what we take for granted. I think that goes to show that the value of something isn't weighted by price tag it comes with but by its hold upon the invidual. We all have attatchments(don't think i spelt that correctly) to certain objects. It may be an object, person or thought but it is dear for reasons known only to that person the term ''one man's trash is another man's treasure'' can all but sum this up.
I've started to wonder whether so much of the adversity we are faced with is due to a lack of understanding of the value something holds to another and how attatched(probably spelt wrong again =[) we as individuals become to certain things. The material things we hold close whatever it may be always have a way of slipping loose from our grips, until it is no more. What can we do once it is gone? After becoming so dependant upon something, we crave for it eternally but ultimately we are left with suffer
Its like making a cut upon ones body. Only the person who is cut knows that pain of loosing something. Yet ulitmately like all things even that suffering is impermanent. It will one day so the suffering may cease. Instead of beating around the bush with meandering similis and metaphors I will just blatantly say that everything is impermanent, such is life. I guess striving for simplicity with no real attatchement where we are content with all thats surrounds us leaves us free to the ups and downs of attatchements. In the long run attatchements is merely a ways of finding security and to delude ourselves with the fact that we may be content.
Yet how can we find such equilibrium and overcome such nature so deeply set within ourselves
I will leave you with that
Sleep easy kids
suhada.xx
The term ''you never know what you truly have until its gone'' came to mind today. That being said alot of what we depend upon is taken for granted whether it be out of ignorance or greed.
A monk i have known all my life has taught me that in this world we are surrounded by suffering, brought about by craving and we have to find a path out of that. Safe to say this is a grim and ghastly topic to explain to a 7 year old so she explained as such. ''Suhada your parents may one day bring home a bag of chips(the thought of which was pretty epic, who doesn't enjoy a bag of chips!) so you decide to eat some. Once you have obtain the taste of it you figure that you enjoy it and begin to crave more so you continue eating and such you keep repeating this process until there is nothing left to eat. Once it is gone you are sad at the fact it is over and wish for more yet can't attain such. That is suffering.''
Such a profound concept explained so simply in a lesson that I don't think I will ever forget. Yet my understanding of what I learnt that day is due to greed we all crave certain things, never being content with what we have and we eventually become dissatisfied, thus leading to suffering.
I and anybody reading this blog right now live a privileged life. Yeah some of us may not have the latest iPod or the trendiest set of clothes but we have a roof over our heads, warm food on the table every day and a bed to sleep on. Im sure all of us have heard of the difficulties in third world countries like africa or parts of south-east asia. That being said im sure it makes us have some sort of remorse for what we take for granted. I think that goes to show that the value of something isn't weighted by price tag it comes with but by its hold upon the invidual. We all have attatchments(don't think i spelt that correctly) to certain objects. It may be an object, person or thought but it is dear for reasons known only to that person the term ''one man's trash is another man's treasure'' can all but sum this up.
I've started to wonder whether so much of the adversity we are faced with is due to a lack of understanding of the value something holds to another and how attatched(probably spelt wrong again =[) we as individuals become to certain things. The material things we hold close whatever it may be always have a way of slipping loose from our grips, until it is no more. What can we do once it is gone? After becoming so dependant upon something, we crave for it eternally but ultimately we are left with suffer
Its like making a cut upon ones body. Only the person who is cut knows that pain of loosing something. Yet ulitmately like all things even that suffering is impermanent. It will one day so the suffering may cease. Instead of beating around the bush with meandering similis and metaphors I will just blatantly say that everything is impermanent, such is life. I guess striving for simplicity with no real attatchement where we are content with all thats surrounds us leaves us free to the ups and downs of attatchements. In the long run attatchements is merely a ways of finding security and to delude ourselves with the fact that we may be content.
Yet how can we find such equilibrium and overcome such nature so deeply set within ourselves
I will leave you with that
Sleep easy kids
suhada.xx
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