100% Real Beef

Dear friends lovers sinners and saints

Its been a while since I made a post, a proper post. I guess I needed time off to let the sounds off my own thoughts to echo my head and if anything I think i've reached a clarity where i can start saying expressing myself again(however desolate or otherwise stupid it may be)

I find it ironic how such strong words can be used so easily yet refuted just the same with a dire opposite. Im sure you know what I mean when i say this but there is always that infuriating pair that fill there sentences with
" I love you babe"
or
"your my world"

Yet as soon as things become constrewed(don't think i spelt that right, sorry for the poor grammar/spelling XP) and they are not attempting to become one organism by sucking serious face, there words are filled with

"I hate you"

This metaphorical pair may be your parents(heaven forbid) people down the street people at school but yeah  I think you get my point.

What bothers me is the opposites of honesty and lies. As far as I see it the time when honesty is most in need is when a person lies to themselves, its when preconceived views or misconceptions are there that things become skewed and its when someone has an outstanding view on the subject of  "I" that problems start to arise. I think we lie to ourselves the most in terms of lifes end. I know talking about life, death and all its associated faiths is a touchy subject but none the less I shall venture there. We all once again view life through this unmitigates view of "I" where the life we wish to lead is made by this person "I", in which our death is as consequence of what "I" wants and one's legacy is also as a result of "I". I say this like only the minority of social underlings ever cling on to "I" but I can safely say we all do it, I guess it takes alot of maturity and courage to step back to see things for what they really are, that everything is subject to change, everything will rise and fall. I guess it comes down to the old granny's tale of what's best for you is not always what you want.

But who wants that right? In today's modern age everyone, like literally EVERYONE wants to hold the world in the palm of their hands, because were special right? Its crap that each of us have been told since birth, whether it be parents school or the man on the TV. Yet what is it worth if the preconception of someone special is the tall, dark eyed and handsome, or hour glass figure with stunning hair. None the less(sorry i got a bit carried away with that) we all see what we want to see and are willing see, yet not what we are meant to see. People say life is like a mountain, where its treacherous trails our are journey of life and the peak is the pinnacle of all that whether it be heaven, nirvarna or any other religious equivelent(im sorry for ignorance with that statement). Once again our paths is all formed by that idea of "I" whether we take the easy(ironically the easier way is always longer) way and go around have faith in what we believe and make the trecherous trek straight up, its all determined by "I". Yet in my mind that doesn't really seem worth it and god dammit sounds too good to be true. Life isn't a video game, there isn't a pause button or a reset key. If the preconceived view is that were totally in control of everything we do im just gonna say how any good 16 year old cocky smart mouth teenager would say it.

That being, fuck that.

In my mind I rather life be the edge of a cliff, where you jump off into what lies beneath. I know that amongst all things sounds reckless, but when it comes down to it I know that I don't have the wisdom to make the choices and carve a path to get up that mountain, I rather go to the uncharted territory and let the mountains find me. Its a risk for sure, but someone important once said to me "sometimes the biggest risk is not taking a risk at all".

Thats all from me for now, hope your all doing well!

Be honest to yourself, run the risk and fly!
love. Suhada

ps. thank you Kenny for helping me find the words to write this