Dear friends lovers and saints
thoughts, emotions... there all a dream... ive started to think none of it is truly real, its all empty. The moment we cling to that dream does it become a nightmare.
there will always be a nightmare waiting for us, always another obstacle in the way, we all have that inner demon. I used to think that social reform was a pointless cause, the demons would always win, how could i truly turn a new leaf, how can one be born again after so many tried and tested attempts in doing so.... all of which have failed.
i wanted to find safe shores, yet having to swim against the current was too arduous a task, what easier than to drown in a pool of my own suffering.
Ive come to think that the pool of suffering is all but self created. We create the mental state we are in, we create those demons, whose to say we can't find a way of putting it to rest, whose to say that we are already on safe shores we just fail to see it for what it truly is.
I want to come home, no more drowning, no more frowning. I want to be who i am again, I know im home, i just want to see it for its true colours.
Normally i have some bit of wisdom to impart, but i can safely say that im lost. Ive gotten this far, this is my crossroads. I have no light, no guide but i have faith. Where all gonna get there some day right? Otherwise whats the point playing life's game if its all a frown?
I think we all need to stop running, stop dreaming, stop drowning. Every day is a new birth, holding a new fortune, new life. We will get there, we just have to start believing.
Im sorry this post lacks any insight or any interesting stories, i just needed to get it off my chest.
catcha suhada.xx
ps. shout out to sucrose thanks for the comment, the disintrest in my blog made me feel that my blog was pointless, but u got the wheels turning again.
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It's not easy, but sometimes you just have to realise that you're writing for yourself and not for the satisfaction of others. I started off blogging because I enjoyed it and it was something fun to do. As soon as it became a chore that I completed for the sake of readers, I lost inspiration and motivation and just stopped for a while. It's difficult to get the ball rolling again, but just think honestly to yourself and remember why you started in the first place. Always nice to have an extra creative mind out there.
ReplyDeleteThis post, I understand what you're saying, but I can't say that I necessarily agree. For me, dreaming means believing, which leads us to run towards a goal ahead of us and if we stay out of the water because we fear the threat of drowning, we may never know to swim. Oh, metaphor, oh-so nifty an invention.
Basically what I'm saying is that to have something to look forward to, something to give us purpose in life, we need suffering and downfall to slap us in the face and say, "Oi, wake up. It's bad now, but it does get better if you make the effort."
Ugh, talking seriously and figuratively after such a long time makes my joints sore.
- Deft
I'm just as lost. In a state of inertia to be more exact. Oh not so, back sliding. These days, the demons are more dominant. I see myself more and more enveloped with anger easily. It kinda leaves a bitter taste after that.
ReplyDeleteOh, if only I can come home but I seem to have lost the track and with it, the motivation to even put my thoughts in words.
Just waffling and not making sense. That's telling on my state of mind now.
Better stop here, lest I infect you.
Ta!